potty training antics {you're gonna laugh.}

My son may in fact kill me if he sees this when he's older.  But I'll defend myself by reminding him of the craziness he put me through on our potty training adventure.  And inform him that sharing this information with folks who can laugh with/at me saved hundreds of dollars in therapy.  

We're potty training.

Miles could give a rip. 

These are his stories.

#1:  

Me:  "Miles, you're such a big boy.  You've gone poo-poo on the potty before, why don't you try to do it again?"  

Miles:  "I not the same guy, Mom."

#2:

Erin: "Do you get your Thomas rain boots if you go poo-poo on the potty?" (they're sitting on the back of the toilet.)

Miles:  "YEAH!"

Erin:  "So are you going to get them soon?"

Miles:  "Nope."

#3: 

Debbie:  "Miles, are you going to start wearing big boy underwear soon?"

Miles:  "No.  They're messy."

#4:

Britton: "If you poop in your pull ups this morning, I'm going to take away your Mickey Mouse train, son."

.....10 minutes later

Britton:  "Miles, what are you doing?  Do you need to go poo-poo?"

Miles:  "No.  Here you go Dad.  I lined 'em up for you."

#5:

Britton:  "Miles, if you poop in your pullup tomorrow, I'm going to take away your Thomas train track."

Miles:  grinning...."Go ahead Dad, take 'em!"

#6:

Britton:  "Miles, don't you want your Thomas train track back?  If you poop in the potty, you can have them back."

Miles:  "No.  Give 'dem to other kids."

WHAAAAT??????

We've tried the reward system.  There are bribes all over the bathroom.  

M&Ms.  Stickers.  Thomas the Tank Engine rain boots.  Curious George toys.  The promise of ANY toy in Walmart.  

We've tried the consequences system.  ANYTHING to find the button that will turn on his will to do this.  Taking away his toys was an unhappy road for me.  But we thought it might be the thing that worked.  It, in fact, became a game.  And now, we've had all his favorite toys....  For 3 weeks.  

We've tried pee-ing outside 'cause it's more fun.

We've tried hitting the cheerio in the big potty.

We've tried big boy Thomas & Lightning McQueen underwear.

We've tried naked all day.

I've even tried to appeal to that first-child-wants-to-please-me side of his nature.  

Me:  "Miles, it makes Momma so sad when you don't use the potty."

Miles: (after going in his pullup) "You donna be sad, Momma."

I give up.  He'll do it when he's ready.  He's certainly SMART enough!

PS - While Miles has thus far not been interested in becoming potty trained, the kid ate a bowl of sauteed squash, zucchini and onions for lunch.  I think that's a win.

PSS - If you happen to see Miles, please don't mention these hilarious stories to him.  He already thinks he's being cute and funny.  Let's not encourage it.   Only encourage using the potty.  The end.  Thank you.  Goodbye.